June is the month of love, weddings, and anniversaries, and the Bible is filled with great married love stories, like Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, Ruth and Boaz, and the Shunamite maiden and her shepherd boy. But what may be its greatest love story is that of the prophet Hosea and the prostitute Gomer.
Hosea 2:19-23 contains some of the most poetically timeless words of love ever written, and for centuries, portions have been used by brides and grooms as part of their wedding vows:
“And I will betroth you unto me forever; yea, I will betroth you unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness, and in mercy. I will even betroth you unto me in faithfulness: and you shall know the Lord. And it shall come to pass in that day, I will hear, says the Lord, I will hear the heavens, and they shall hear the earth.”
This conveys the parallel of love between husband and wife and God’s unfailing love for His people. His first and greatest gift to mankind was the covenant of marriage. He likens His relationship to His people to that of a loving, faithful marriage, and these verses define eight blessings of a holy and happy marriage.
But first, let’s lay the foundation from which they sprang, and their meaning will have greater import. It’s easy to say, “I’ll love you forever,” when you’re young and starry-eyed; when you’re surrounded by candlelight and roses and love songs. But what happens when these are replaced by dirty dishes and laundry, smelly diapers, fussy toddlers and belligerent teens, and 8 to 10-hour work days at a job you don’t like?
The Marriage Proposal
How did a man of God—a prophet of the Lord, end up marrying a prostitute? God told Hosea to take a wife of whoredom, because their story was to mirror the story of God and His people Israel. They had left their love for Him, going after other lovers, false gods, and idol worship. To openly illustrate His undying love for them, He instructed Hosea to marry a whore. Imagine the controversy this must have caused his family and ministry. Obediently, Hosea gave Gomer his love, dignity, a home, and three children. God even told Hosea what to name the children, as their names also testified to the condition of Israel (1:4-9).
But Gomer did not appreciate her blessings and forgot how miserable her former life was. She left her husband and children and went back into prostitution. She said, “I will go after my lovers who gave me my bread and water, my wool and my flax, my oil and my drink” (2:5). God allowed Gomer to hit rock bottom, because He knew: “Then she shall say, I will go and return to my first husband; for then it was better with me than now” (2:7).
Tragically, Gomer ended up on the slave block. She was not the lovely young thing she once was. Sin had taken its toll, and she lost everything, even her freedom. If you think it incredible that God told Hosea to marry Gomer in the first place, you can imagine how incomprehensible it was when God told him to go buy her back! After all she had put him through, when he had loved her, respected her, gave her a home and family, and she betrayed him, abandoned him and their children. God said: “Take her back, according to the love of the Lord toward the children of Israel” (3:1). God used this painful relationship to show how unconditionally He loved His people. He wanted Hosea to love his wayward wife with this same kind of love.
To love a whore—to love her twice—is beyond understanding. But that day Gomer had come to her senses and wanted to return to her husband and home, and God knew she would return to Hosea with all of her heart. So as we read these words of loving commitment, knowing the story behind them, we can appreciate the 8 powerful promises they hold:
#1. “I will betroth you unto me forever…” Marriage must start with the mindset of forever—no divorce— it’s just not in your vocabulary. If God could heal Hosea and Gomer’s marriage, He can heal yours. “Love her according to the love of the Lord” is the key. Paul described this love in 1Corinthians 13:4-8 which I have paraphrased:
“Love is longsuffering—very patient, not jealous, not boastful, not puffed up (conceited), does not behave rudely, seeks not its own desires above others’, is not easily provoked, does not imagine evil about the other, does not rejoice in iniquity, but in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails!” (This passage is worthy of an indepth of its own.)
In Malachi 2:14-16, God said that He hates divorce! He especially rebuked the man for forsaking the wife of his youth and dealing treacherously with his marriage covenant. God was saying: “Husband, when your wife is not as pretty as she was when you married her years ago, don’t treat her unfaithfully and try to divorce her.”
#2. “I will betroth you unto me in righteousness…” When your relationship with God is right, you will relate to your spouse in the right way. When God has your heart and your ear, He can let you know when you’re not treating one another in the right way. The Holy Spirit will prick your heart when you act badly, and when you listen, He will direct you what to do to make it right. This way, little things don’t get out of hand and mushroom into big things that are harder to get through. My dad, R.G. Hardy always said that there is no reason why two Spirit-filled Christians cannot work out their problems if they are both living right.
#3. “In judgment…” This does not refer to punishment, but rather to discernment, the ability to decide, to make a judicial decision and serve justice. Many Old Testament usages of this word actually mean justice. Married couples should always be their spouses’ #1 supporter; always ready to backup one another and defend one another against attacks. (I am not saying to condone sinful behavior.)
You probably know your spouse’s weak points, the things that aggravate you, but when it comes to outsiders, you should never tear him/her down to make them look bad. Don’t tell others all your business; nor should you tell your parents or in-laws everything about your marriage problems. And never put your spouse down in public or in front of your children.
When there is a real problem the two of you have not been able to work out, seek godly counsel from qualified leaders—not wanna-be bathroom counselors.
#4. “In lovingkindness…” This literally means love in action—not just talk, but the things you do to express your love: How you take care of each other when one is sick; fixing his/her favorite meal; bringing home a gift—not just on special days, but for no particular reason; treating her like a lady; treating him with respect and praising him for his good points. It boils down to being unselfish—not always having to have it your way.
#5. “In mercies…” Notice this is plural. Always being merciful is key to the survival of your marriage: Ready to forgive, as well as to ask for forgiveness when you have caused the problem.
Be first to swallow your pride and say, “I’m sorry.” Or second to swallow your pride and say, “I’m sorry too.” Rarely is it all one person’s fault. Then don’t hold the thing over the other’s head once you have forgiven. Don’t bring it up every time you get mad. Remember, this is possible when you love them “according to the love of the Lord.”
#6. “In faithfulness…” This is a biggie! It certainly was for Hosea and Gomer. It has several shades of meaning, including: trust, honesty, truth, steadfastness, firmness, and stability. Its root is actually from the Hebrew word Amen, which means to confirm, trust, believe, to be reliable and faithful.
Proverbs 31:10-22 describes a virtuous woman: “The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he will have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Her husband will have no need of other lovers or secret confidants. Don’t confide in that cutie at the office or that understanding guy on your job about your marriage problems. What may start out as a shoulder to cry on can eventually become a sexual snare. Again, go to your trusted spiritual leaders if you need to confide in someone and don’t give place to the devil to tempt you.
#7. “And you shall know the Lord…” This is integral to the ongoing, long-term success of the marriage—the relationship each one has with the Lord. I know of many marriages that would not have weathered the fierce storms and attacks they faced if each—not just one—but both did not have a solid relationship with the Lord.
Unexpected things in life come upon us, often overwhelming us, and they will truly test those marriage vows you made on your wedding day: “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.” When a catastrophic illness or injury comes, it can severely strain the marriage — not just the one who is sick or injured, but the spouse as well. When I incurred a life-altering back injury, our family was plunged into a long season of stress and great despair. Only God’s grace, to which we both desperately clung, kept us intact till we finally came out.
When children get sick, or even die, it can be a potentially fatal blow to the marriage. Financial loss is the number one problem that destroys marriages, and in many cases, it is due to mismanagement of money, heaping up a lot of blame on both partners. But those whose trust is in God and not the arm of flesh, will not blame each other, but will work together to get at the root and allow God to direct their path.
When your relationship with the Lord is right, you understand that no person, not even your dearly beloved, can fulfill and satisfy your every need. There is a place in your spirit that belongs to God alone, and when He is given total entrance to that part, He fills it up, and it overflows into every other area of your life. You can love all the others in your life more deeply, including your spouse, kids, family, friends, because you are satisfied and fulfilled in the part of you that God has created for Himself alone.
#8. “I will hear, says the Lord…” God answers prayers when both husband and wife are in agreement. The blessing of answered prayer is the greatest joy of a godly marriage. United prayer is uniquely powerful and gives the husband and wife an advantage over Satan and his attacks.
Conversely, friction and contention in marriage hinders answered prayer. Peter, a married man, exhorted husbands and wives to show mutual respect and to honor one another, “being heirs together (equals) of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered” (1Peter 3:4-7). I wonder how many married couples realize that there constant bickering, name-calling and blaming are hindering their prayers? Paul commanded: “Be angry and sin not. Let not the sun go down on your wrath. Neither give place (an advantage) to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27). Because when you do, he will surely jump on it.
On the other hand, Jesus declared: “Again, I say unto you, that if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven” (Matt.18:19). Satan knows the exponential power of the prayer of agreement, so he fights married couples from coming into agreement, and when he succeeds, their prayers are hindered.
These eight things will protect marriage, keep it holy before God, and create a loving relationship and happy home. But it only works if the marriage is in the will of God and both spouses are obedient.
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